10 Things I hate about Bedtime
I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that bedtimes are a bit of a sore point in our house. Well, that is a huge understatement! Yesterday I attempted to have a serious discussion with my children about how much I hate bedtime which suffice to say, didn’t go very well. So instead, I thought I’d tell you, lovely reader, about why I hate bedtime so much.
- It happens every day.
Every. Single. Day. I mean, whose idea was that anyway? It’s utterly relentless and if you have a baby who still naps, it’s even worse because it happens through the day as well. And the knowledge that bedtime is coming from the moment I get up in the morning, is enough to ruin what could have been a perfectly good day.
2. Children don’t wind down, they wind up
Is it just my children, or does every child get more and more hyper as the day goes on? The concept of winding down for bedtime is totally lost on my girls. Any hint of tiredness is met with an immediate “I’m not tired” comment followed by jumping around the living room, shouting at the top of their lungs and generally proving that they are indeed, not tired. The more tired they are, the worse their behaviour and avoidance of the dreaded bed.
3. Bedtime is always at the end of the day
I feel as though I would have more energy to deal with the bedtime shenanigans, if bedtime was in the morning. I’m shattered by the evening and have no patience for the general nonsense that goes on. I just want to sit on the sofa with a cup of hot water (I don’t drink tea and it’s too late for coffee) and a piece of Rocky Road and watch some Netflix series that is not suitable for children. Or sleep. That would be nice too. I’ve tried bringing bedtime forward but it just ends up extending it to hours and hours rather than just hours.
4. The bedtime routine feels like a pointless task
It’s a bit like emptying the dishwasher: it just gets filled up again so what’s the point? Just to clarify, I do empty my dishwasher but there are times when I wonder if there is any point to it. I suppose I would notice if I didn’t do it (because pretty much nobody else in my house will do it)
5. Kids have the whole day to tell me their stories, but they wait until bedtime
I have to coach myself out of thinking this is just a bedtime avoidance strategy but rather a moment where children feel calm and relaxed enough to share their worries. But seriously, couldn’t they just mention it an hour before? I’m much more available at 6.30pm versus 7.30pm. The urge to rush them through the story to get to the bit that is bothering them is strong, but I try hard to stay present and put on my best “Mummy is fully listening to you not looking at how untidy your room is” face.
6. Nothing works
I have tried a lot of things to make bedtimes less stressful. I have tried: Gina Ford routines (not for me); slow retreat (aka: creeping out of the room quietly, hoping they don’t notice); rocking to sleep; sitting on the floor until asleep; strict bedtime routine; reading the same 3 stories at bedtime for 6 months (I never want to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar EVER again!); rapid return; sharing a room; sleeping in separate rooms; joint bedtimes; separate bedtimes; the list goes on. But nothing works in the long term. I know they say that everything with children is a phase but this bedtime phase has lasted about 9 years.
7. Daddy does bedtime differently
I am pretty sure this is universal in all households, whether it is Daddy, Nanny, Step Dad, Step Mum, Grandad, or whoever. No two parents will do bedtimes the same way and where there are inconsistencies, children see weakness and like velociraptors, they exploit it to make their escape. This happened just last week when Mr S was doing bedtime as I had a client. He turned his back for a moment and my two velociraptors spotted their opportunity and came charging down the garden to my office exclaiming they had to “say goodnight to Mummy!”
8. I often lose my shizzle and then feel guilty
We are all tired by bedtime (although the children will tell us otherwise) and patience is in short supply so it is natural that sometimes, tempers fray. I find this happens quite often when I feel powerless to get the children to bed because nothing is working so I shout and make ridiculous threats like “no sweets for a month”, “no ice creams until your 16”, “your birthday is cancelled” and “I’ll put all your Barbies in the bin.” Then I feel guilty or is it shame?
I feel that my intention to be the parent I want to be has been shattered. I wonder if my children view it as such a disaster? I’m guessing they don’t, but in my head and my heart, I feel disappointed in myself. I have good intentions each day and I am ready to stick to my boundaries, but somehow, there are days when I am undone. I guess our children can do that do us.
9. I feel like I’m the only one who finds bedtimes hard
Now I know this isn’t true, but when I am sat on the landing listening to Little Brown Eyes scream at me to just let her get one more toy, I feel like the only person in the World going through it. And I get a sense from some friends that it’s not worth stressing about, so why bother, but having some down time feels important. That’s why I bother.
10. Children need sleep
I am really conscious of the impact of lack of sleep on my own mental health but also the mood and wellbeing of children who do not get enough sleep. Tiredness makes everything harder to deal with and for children, sleep is a time for the brain to process the day’s events and learning, to recharge their emotional batteries and to grow. All very important tasks that I have running through my mind whilst the children are simultaneously spinning off the walls at nearly 9pm.
So there you have it. I love my children with all my heart but I really hate bedtimes. So to all you parents out there who share in the bedtime struggles, I salute you. We are in this together.
